The story of my teeth

Graphic by Ben DeAcetis

I lost my two front teeth to a plate of spaghetti at the sharp age of six. 

I used to blame the fact that I lost both at once for how my adult teeth came in, crooked and uneven. My teeth have caused me a great deal of physical and emotional torment. I still feel insecure from time to time. 

Around the same time I lost my front teeth, I gave the same affliction to my mother. I was laying on her chest while she was reading. Due to some commotion, I moved my head quickly and aggressively. The top of my head knocked out her front teeth. 

Then, I thought that was why my teeth came in dented and absurdly large for my small mouth. I thought it was karma. 

In second and third grade, I was nicknamed “buck tooth.” I desperately wanted braces, but I was too young. When I was old enough, I begged and begged for braces, but my parents couldn’t afford to get me them. 

I never ended up getting braces. 

In highschool, I practiced my smile in the mirror everyday before I went to school. I perfected my close-mouthed grin. 

I pushed the backside of my front teeth forward with my hands to try to straighten them a little bit every day. Then I would push the surrounding teeth outward so they would not get stuck behind my front teeth if they choose to become horizontal. I catch myself doing this out of habit now and then. 

I remember reading “The Glass Castle” by Jeannette Walls for 10th grade English class. In the novel, Walls recounts how she made her own set of braces out of a coat hanger and some rubber bands. I thought about making my own braces, but thought better of it for it would have been foolish. 

I resented the dentist and my dad. The dentist tells me I need braces, my teeth are crowded and it could cause my gum line to recede every time I visit the dentist’s office. Consequently, my dad would tell me we need more money and better insurance. 

My resentment for my dad grew into understanding. However, I still hate the dentist. 

Over time, my teeth sort of evened out. When the adult teeth first came in, they were downright jagged. The teeth eventually settled into an acute angle.

My teeth stopped being the dominant thought in my brain. I became less aware of how I looked whenever I laughed at something funny, or how I smiled in photos. 

My wisdom teeth began to grow in two years ago. I have noticed my front teeth begin to crowd more. 

Once every month or two I go through a short period where I stress out about my teeth and feel they look more crooked than usual. I analyze how I look in the mirror and wonder how I would feel if my teeth were straight. I occasionally yearn for invisalign. 

I try to get over it. I wonder if I am single because of it. I still hate smiling in pictures. I spiral only to remind myself that how I look does not reflect who I am. 

I find Ayo Edebiri to be a refreshing celebrity. In a time where many celebrities have veneers, Edebiri told Bustle in 2022 she will not allow herself to get braces after her dentist urged her to get Invisalign.

“I'm not allowed to,” said Edebiri in the Bustle interview. “I won't allow myself to. I don't want to, I want to look like myself. I want to look like my parents, I want to look like my family. I want to look like Black people who are from Boston.”

I revisit Edebiri’s quote to remind myself that my teeth are not some kind of bad karma. This is just how I look, and that should be celebrated. 

I understand why people get braces. I understand why people want to change their appearance to become more attractive in their mind’s eye. 

I, on the other hand, do not want that to be normalized. We are not meant to have phones and see conventionally attractive people from all over the world populate our feeds. 

I want to shake loose the tight grip conventionality has on me. I think writing this story down for people to read may give me the motivation to finally do so.