The Dilemma of Wanting to Pursue Everything

Graphic by Janet Xiong

With graduation looming around the corner, I am faced with a conflict of choice. 

I want to be a journalist, novelist, travel writer, interior designer, photographer, film critic, coffee shop owner, baker, florist, cinematographer, art curator, screenwriter, personal shopper, cooking class teacher, carpenter and so much more.

Society has taught me my choices are limited in order to build a decent salary. But is a decent salary more important than the reward of continuing to learn and try new things?

In my room, above a poster that says “We are working all the time!”, Sylvia Plath’s fig tree poem is pinned to my wall. I look at it when I am feeling like the only person in the world who has ever felt the dilemma of career choices. 

I am reminded I am not the only one who finds the capitalistic value of living to work unsustainable and exhausting. 

Work is a journey I want to follow as a fruit of life. I do not want to limit myself to one thing when there is so much to try and learn from. 

Cecilia Wallace, also graduating in May with a double major in journalism and environmental studies, feels the pull toward many different careers as well. 

Growing up she wanted to be a marine biologist, an actress, author, singer, teacher and more. Now that she is moving into life after college, those desires are still with her. 

“My mom has always said that's more of a blessing, because that means I'll be happy with any career path,” Wallace said. “But at the same time, I think when I do finally choose what profession I want to go into that's also going to make me mourn so many of the other paths I know I could have taken and also enjoyed.”

I have heard people much older and wiser than me  share how they switched career paths in their thirties and are very happy now. I wonder how realistic turning a complete 180° is. How much money do you need to cushion a career change? 

The current job market and economy makes me anxious. Deep down I want to forgo that worry, and do whatever I want. I believe I can do it, no matter how idealistic that sounds. It is how other peers view their future career paths that makes my confidence falter. 

Everyone is like “go go go,” as they plan their single career paths and want to start them as soon as possible. They are stressed to start their jobs right away so as to not feel behind or  feel like they are not doing anything with their lives. 

My easygoing, relaxed view of my future feels out of place and sometimes wrong. It eases a tightness in my chest to talk with people like Wallace who have this experience. Though, at times, their existence feels few and far between. 

“I think there are so many unhappy people in this world,” Wallace said. “I think even if you do choose a career that may not align with your interests, it's still important to try to incorporate your passions into your life.”

For now, I can take a deep breath and hope for the best.