Dating Yourself: Solo Dates in the Twin Cities

Graphic by Anneli Paulson

Let’s be real. Couples are everywhere. Whether it’s walking to classes or grabbing coffee in Dinky, I always see at least one couple and it can get depressing.

There’s an expectation that this is the time to go on dating apps, experiment or even find “the one,” but in reality it’s also the time to discover yourself. There can be self-discovery while being with someone, but it’s definitely not the only way.

Being alone doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you or your college experience and it definitely doesn’t mean you’re lonely. There’s something healing about spending time with yourself.

Going out

I used to be really anxious to go places by myself. Any trip to a place I’ve never been was super intimidating regardless of how close it was to me. Once I started taking solo trips, I’ve felt a lot more confident trying new things in general. The first time is always intimidating, but once you get that over with it becomes much easier. There’s a whole city to explore, so the possibilities are endless. 

Go to a concert. One of my biggest regrets is selling my Mitski ticket two years ago because I was too scared to go alone. Going to concerts alone is still scary, especially being a woman and not being able to have pepper spray with me, but it’s also a great opportunity to meet new people. Both of you being there proves that you already have something in common, so turn to someone in line or around you in the crowd and introduce yourself. Chances are you’ll find someone who goes to the U. 

Coffee and a book. There’s nothing more aesthetic than having a coffee and reading a book. Every time I go to a coffee shop there’s at least one person there reading a book. Taking a break from screens is so important and this is a great way to do so. Having a good playlist in the background only builds onto the aesthetic, especially with wired headphones.

Workout classes. I started going to workout classes offered at the Rec this past month and regret not going sooner. Being active makes me feel better in general, but going to a scheduled workout class and actually showing up has helped my self-discipline immensely. Knowing that I’m the one motivating myself to get out of bed and show up has boosted my confidence in my ability to be productive and not rot in bed all day. The people and instructors are also super supportive and create a great environment for everyone at the class.

Lazy days

One of my favorite ways to get to know myself is by staying home. There are so many opportunities to discover new things about yourself from the comfort of your home. 

Listen to music and dance badly in your room. I honestly hate dancing in public and feel so awkward when I do, but when I’m in my room I go crazy. It’s really freeing and often serves as a confidence booster. The more silly I am when I’m alone, the more silly I end up being around other people.

Cook a new meal. On the weekends I’ll try and cook a meal I’ve never had before. I get nervous doing this during the week because if I don’t like it I don’t have enough time to make something else, which makes the weekend the perfect time to experiment. Being real, I don’t go too crazy but I do make more elaborate and time consuming meals that have almost always ended up delicious.

Pick up a new hobby. Two or so years ago, I began crocheting and it is now one of my favorite things to do. During breaks, I spend all day every day crocheting and making things for my friends and family. It has become such a stress reliever and I get a pretty product at the end of it. It has helped me learn to take more breaks and also push myself to try new things. Some other hobbies you could try include: journaling, reading, painting, video games, etc. 

Alone but not alone

HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS. I don’t know how to emphasize how important it is to spend time with your friends. This sounds counterintuitive to the topic of this article, but, from experience, the happiest I’ve been is when I’ve balanced spending time alone and with my friends.

While it’s important to be alone sometimes, it’s also important to maintain and build friendships with those around you. My friends have encouraged me to try new things and helped me get out of my comfort zone. Sometimes you need a little push to take that first step.

Take this time to get to know yourself. Everyone is in the same place and we’re all just figuring stuff out, regardless of how put together some people may look. Have fun with it and hopefully you learn some things about yourself in the process.